So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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