Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
