Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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