I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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