She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
