i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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