I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize