I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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