Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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