she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize