you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
