were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
