Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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