Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
