Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
