Umm I'm too high to move.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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