I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
