Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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