no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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