oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
