Soap is not a condiment
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize