By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
