oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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