I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
