It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
