We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
