You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
