It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
