i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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