I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
