is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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