are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Randomize
