dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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