DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
