So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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