Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
