You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize