That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
