Where did you get a picture of my penis
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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