i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
