I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
