Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
