Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
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