Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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