Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
