But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
