She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
