I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Randomize