i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
