I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
