i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
