obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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