No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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