There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
