put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
