dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
