I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
