Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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