i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Randomize
