its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
