So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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