He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize