Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
