I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
even my farts smell like vagina
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
