I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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