the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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