It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
