I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
