at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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