Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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