I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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