you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Randomize
