Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
