I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
