Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I think my fart just growled at me.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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