We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
