I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
