I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
