he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize