i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
