i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
