Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
