gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
