Hey man sorry I got all grabby
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
