He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
