Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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