I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
