Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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