She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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