i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize