Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
