So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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