I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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