Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
