your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
