It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I've blown a few things in my day
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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