I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
