Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
