Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
