I didn't shave. On purpose
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
