I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
