My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
