Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
